The future is always in front of us, brimming with of possibilities — and flying cars, of course. Since well before the days of Nostradamus, humanity has sought to predict the ways of our successors. “And now, believe it or not the floor is automatically cleaned, too. What you see coming out of the wall is a self-propelled floor cleaner.” Sometimes, their concepts proved to be startlingly accurate, like this ’60s version of Amazon… “Please send it out to me, here’s my credit card, oh, and don’t forget the striped pillow cases.” But most often, their visions were off by several light years. Fred Freedman’s fantastic future The 1960s were rife with soothsayers dreaming up humankind a Jetsons-like reality.
Noted “futurist” Fred Freedman pictured the far away year of 1999, with humans rocking rocket belts and hover-cars as we zipped around our sweet mid-century modern cities. These days, hover cars are still less-probable than cars that drive themselves. “Hello, tower, this is Firebird 2304. Firebird 2304.” But if there was anything Freeman did get right, it was moving sidewalks. We only really get to enjoy them at the airport, but, nevertheless, there’s something magical about cruising along a little bit faster than the foot traffic next to you. Edison bets on heavy metal Without a doubt, Thomas Edison was one of the most brilliant inventors of the early 20th century. Known for the long-lasting light bulb, the phonograph, and the Kinetoscope, he lit the way for the high-tech contemporary culture we treasure today. “Look at Edison over there with his damn electricity. Hey Edison, how about sharing some of those damn lightbulbs, eh?” “Figure it out for yourself, man!” But Edison’s prediction regarding the future of construction material rang a bit hollow: he claimed the future belonged to steel.
Every aspect of our homes would be “sumptuously equipped with” the dense, metallic alloy. “This is the kitchen of tomorrow. A press-button dream coming true for Mrs. Housewife.” If Edison had only foisted the mantle of the future onto petroleum byproducts, he’d have chalked another notch on his prophetic belt. “Gasoline is the fuel that powers this modern age.” The Martian Chronicler falls short Responsible for dozens of short stories, and classic novels like Fahrenheit 451 and several film adaptations and inspirations, Ray Bradbury took science fiction mainstream. “For over twenty years, he has predicted and examined the joys and nightmares of the coming age of the rocket.” You’ve probably heard of The Butterfly Effect (loosely inspired by his story “A Sound of Thunder”) as well as the disquieting Disney adaptation of his seminal work, Something Wicked This Way Comes.
Then there’s his highly influential sci-fi saga The Martian Chronicles, which documented colonial life on the planet Mars. “There that’s better. You do speak English.” “I do now.” Back in 1950, the prolific author predicted that nuclear war would force us onto Mars by the 2000s. Unfortunately, we never got our Martian utopia going, but at least we launched that rover thingy, right? “It’s so quiet. Kind of eerie. Gives me the creeps.” Wonder women of the future “One dress of the future will consist of transparent net. The net, uh, probably to catch the males.” In the past, “women of the future” predictions were usually hotbeds for dusting off sexist, Mad Men-like tropes of the 1950s with men joking about how lazy their wives would get after robot maids, cooks, and butlers replaced household chores. “Everything is copacetic. Welcome to the future.” But early feminist ideas snuck into the general populace during the Father Knows Best decade.
In 1950, Associated Press writer Dorothy Roe claimed (with science to back her up) that all women of the future would top off at six feet. “Attack of the 50 foot woman. Incredibly huge. With incredible desires for love and vengeance.” Not only that, but they’d sport superheroine-esque proportions and dress like Wonder Woman, with, quote, “muscles like a truck driver,” so they could compete in male sporting events and work in traditionally male jobs. “In the future, I hope to do things such as go to school, study, make art, start a business.” Modern women are, indeed, competing in sports like baseball and “prizefighting,” and have been liberated from the kitchen. But perhaps Roe’s most off-the-mark prediction is that humans of the future will cut out food altogether, eating instead only “food capsules.” You need only to peek inside a Chipotle during the lunch rush to see how that didn’t at all pan out. Beardos from the year 2000 In 1939, Vogue imagined what their own future-man might look like, style-wise, running a conceptualization of the 21st century man. Visually vetted by designer Gilbert Rohde, the future dude revolts against shaving (ok, this actually happened), he favors a button-less full-body jumpsuit, and Bro 2000 now rocks his belt-storage — the fanny-pack of the future! So, Vogue predicted a future of M.C.
Hammer hipsters. It could still happen! “When the music is really pumpin that’s my time to dance really hard.” The New York Times’ future fail Conan O’Brien wasn’t the first transplant to cast predictions of the future about the Big Apple. “Johnson & Johnson will replace its ‘no more tears’ baby shampoo with the much more useful ‘no more poo that looks like mustard’ baby shampoo.” Back in 1950, the New York Times featured a piece by science editor Waldemar Kaempffert entitled “Miracles You’ll See In The Next Fifty Years.” After talking to a few notable scientists, ol’ Kaempy penned a few wild ideas about what life in the year 2000 might look like — and a few of his futuristic miracles actually match up, such as the dominance of TV dinners and the rise of computers. “Teaching machines… which allow him to progress as rapidly as his awakening mind can absorb the audio visual lesson.” But not all his ideas hit the mark. There was the diet consisting primarily of sawdust, with dinner served exclusively on single use paper plates, in a house-full of waterproof furnishings.
Best of all, our disposable rayon underpants were recyclable, and later became colorful candy for the kids (seriously). “Do you know what this means? It means that this damn thing doesn’t work at all.” Thanks for watching! Click the Grunge icon to subscribe to our YouTube channel. Plus check out all this cool stuff we know you’ll love, too!.
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